This 46-year-old man was one of the kindest, most thoughtful people you could ever know. On the obituary page, one person wrote that the last time she had seen him he cleaned all the snow off her car while she was in the store. Never expecting thanks, he lived his life this way. He even got a medal of honor once for jumping into a moving car when the driver was having a medical problem. He was funny and intelligent and dynamic, and one of the best athletes I've ever seen. But the drugs got a hold on him that he could not escape, as hard as he tried.
I read a quote once and I've never forgotten it. Drugs or any horrible addiction can be substituted.
Booze is like a mean old cur who goes after those who can't bite back;
people with big hearts and sad souls.
After the burial service, his father said that years and years ago his son told his brother that he wanted a certain song at his funeral, and this song was played on a car CD with the windows open, while we all stood there sobbing.
"The Dance"
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
That is so very, very sad, Nan - and so familiar. My late husband was a binge alcoholic, and like the person described in the quote, he was one with a big heart and a sad soul. Thoughtful, funny, creative; but although there were periods when he managed to stay away from the booze for months on end, the demon was lurking in the background and he was never entirely free of it. In the end it wasn't alcohol that ended his life so prematurely (5 days after he turned 41), but it may have contributed.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't known that. Thank you for telling me. I am so, so sorry.
DeleteI am so sorry to hear this Nan. A sad story. Drugs are a horrible thing any way you look at it. It often grabs people with such kind hearts and as the quote says "sad souls".
ReplyDeleteBlessings and peace to you and the family.
Thank you. You are so right.
DeleteSo sad but the song must give comfort to his family and friends. Thanks for sharing it here.
ReplyDeleteAt this time, many are not able to have funerals. Did everyone just do social distancing and it was allowed? Just think of all those who can't have funerals or memorial services now, it must be so difficult.
The funeral was in the church with just family. In the cemetary, a few people had masks, and non-family were six feet or more apart.
DeleteThank you for sharing. Praying for you and his family
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to read this. I was crying as I read the words of the song. It's heartbreaking. My prayers for all who are missing this man. He sounded like a very special person with a terrible heartbreaking problem.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all these words. Yes, he was much loved by so many people. Having lived almost his whole life here, he was very well known, and cared about.
DeleteNan, such a sad time for the family and for all of you who loved this man. Addiction is wicked and it doesn't care who it gets in it's hold. I'm glad you guys got to go to the cemetery and support the family, even socially distanced. What a powerful song.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. Thanks, Kay.
DeleteThe utter pain and sadness of it all is simply heartbreaking. Lived with a similar situation for decades so know it intimately. Fortunate that the right treatment for the "self-medication" in my son's case (bipolar disorder) was finally found and accepted by him after multiple hospitalizations. This sad story hits home. Thinking of this man's family. May they find some peace in knowing how much he was loved.
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you for telling me this. I am so glad your situation had a happy ending, but those years must have been awful.
DeleteAs a recovering alcoholic, I can relate to the pain & tragic consequences addiction causes. It's so hard to admit we have no control once that poison is in our system - we somehow convince ourselves we can manage it & will never allow it to overtake us. Of course it does, despite our best efforts. I'm so sad the gentleman lost his life. That song would tear your heart out.
ReplyDeleteThank you for telling me. When the family wrote the obituary they said how he died, which I think is so important. The song does indeed do that.
DeleteHe sounds like a wonderful man. I had an uncle of a similar nature who found out the hard way that he could not handle the booze, but he never lost that sweeter side of his personality. It just seems especially sad and tragic to watch an addiction take over and control the life of someone who sounds as genuinely good as the son of your friends. It must have been rough on his parents.
ReplyDelete"The Dance" is one of my wife's favorite all-time Garth Brooks songs. I'm not a huge fan of the man's music but he is said to be one of the nicest celebrities you could ever meet. He loves his fans and treats each and everyone of them as equals and friends. I admire that in him.
It was very rough, for years and years, and on his three brothers and one sister.
DeleteThat doesn't surprise me one bit about Garth B. He seems like the nicest man.
I'm sorry about your friends' son. Addiction is a horrible affliction. I've always liked "The Dance." Poignant.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Teresa.
DeleteThat's a tragic loss, so sad when a substance takes over your life. I'm sorry Nan, for the family and your loss. Lovely song.
ReplyDeleteIt sure is. And thank you. His sister just noted that it has been four weeks today since we found out.
DeleteA tragic loss in a sad time, when even hugs are denied. It is good that the song he requested could be shared... new ways of doing things!
ReplyDeleteYes.
Delete